Beyond Mansy: Suing Your Wife For Having Ugly Children.

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By @DaveTheMasshole Friedrich

In the movie Mansome, there was a gentleman that called himself metrosexual. Personally, I though he was over-the-top and ridiculous. He went so far out of his way to kill an image of himself that he couldn’t stand. He was doing it to himself. It something he couldn’t go back on; something he couldn’t get his mind off of. He was somebody’s child.

This week, a Chinese man filed suit against his wife for giving him ugly children. This is the most backward and horrific thing I have ever heard of in my life. Suing someone over ugly children. First of all, aren’t they half yours? Secondly, what kind of person does something like that? You’re supposed to love your children, especially when they’re babies. And his are – all three of them. He said his daughter was so grotesque that it was scary to him. What kind of man says this?

When you have children, you’re supposed to love them, no matter what. You don’t take your wife to court and sue her over it. What if one of them had Down’s Syndrome? Would it have been played out in the same way? I’m shocked. He must be one of the most shallow, ridiculous men walking the face of the planet. He is the truest essence of Mansy and of someone who can’t get over himself. He should have gotten it over with and married himself.

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Would You Know A Good Time If It Was Right In Front Of You?

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By @DaveTheMasshole Friedrich

One of the great things about life is that good times come in clusters. They only come when you want them to come. If you’re a person who always sits back and is always upset, always angry and depressed, a good time is never going to find you. Why? Because you don’t want it to find you. A good time will only happen when you want it to come. You plan for it to happen.

One of the things that drove me nuts about being Mansy was that a good time was only focused on my relationships. Don’t be a Mansy – be a man. Realize a good time when it’s in front of you. And don’t allow your relationship to prevent it.

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Personal Responsibility: Coming Through With Your Goals.

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By @DaveTheMasshole Friedrich

There’s nothing more American than coming through when you’re supposed to – meeting your goal and accomplishing it. Over time, people love to keep you down. Many people do not want to see you succeed. When you have a good idea or something special, a jealous person will do anything he can to ensure that you don’t realize it.

The people who persist are the ones who achieve great things in this world. Take Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, Peyton Manning. These are all men who were told that they would never make their ultimate goals. But they all did. Look at them now. Not all of them are the greatest people in the world, but they achieved their goals.

When you achieve your goal in this way, you almost need a chip on your shoulder as if to say, “Look – I achieved what you said I couldn’t do.”

Coming through in the clutch is not Mansy. Coming through is what you have to do for yourself.

Whatever Happened To Live And Let Live?

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By @DaveTheMasshole Friedrich

Since we started American Mansy, Uncle Todd and I have talked about how people put limitations on each other throughout the history of the United States – from the Puritans to present day. It has loosened up from time to time, but most of them time people interfere with other people’s business constantly. Whatever happened to ‘live and let live’? The Mansiest thing to me is when people mess with other people’s lives where they don’t belong.

Yesterday, Illinois became the fifteenth state in the United States to allow gay marriage. All I have to say is good for them. Why can people who want to be with someone do just that? I’m sick of seeing a protest against other people about what they believe is right.

If people would mind their own business and keep to themselves, this world would be a much better place.

Is The Sucker Punch The New Norm?

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By @DaveTheMasshole Friedrich

A fight has become about the sucker-punch. When I was growing up in the 1980s, if you were fighting somebody and they kicked you that was a Mansy thing to do. In the 1990s, if you weren’t looking when someone threw a punch at you, that was a sucker-punch.

As we have moved into the twenty-first century, sucker punches have changed. It happens more now mentally than physically. Over the last few weeks on my adventures on the Internet, I have discovered how people act and talk tough but can’t actually do anything about it. They attack because they can’t be seen. So you have all of these Internet tough guys walking around, thinking that they are tough because of how they word things, and by what they can do on the Internet. People patrol sites to make themselves look strong and tough. They pick fights with anybody and everybody because there are no repercussions. Back in the day, if you talked to people the way you talk to them online these days there were consequences for it. Now, we have all of these Mansies walking around who receive no consequences for what they do because they can’t be seen. They talk and act tough. But they’re incredibly Mansy because they’re completely unwilling to listen to anything outside the box.

In the past, guys who talked like this could back themselves up. Especially if you had this ability. Now, we have nothing but tough Mansy talk with nothing to back it up – and no consequences.

Why Traveling Abroad Always Bring You Back Home.

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By @DaveTheMasshole Friedrich

Walking to work this morning, I overheard two girls in front of me talking about how they were moving to Italy next week, and that they couldn't wait to get there. They couldn't stand the superficiality of the United States. After having travelled to Europe many times, I have realized that people don't understand what they have here - and what they're going to get with other countries.  They think that everyone's wonderful over there; that everyone is going to be offering them wine and cheese. It doesn't work that way. 

They also said that they couldn't wait to get away from the crime. "There's so much crime here. You never hear of it over there." Just because you don't hear about it doesn't mean that it does not exist. There's plenty of crime over in Europe; people just don't talk about it. 

When you finally travel abroad and you get to where you're going, you will finally get into the culture and you realize one thing: there's no place like the USA. 

Yes, She’s Dining Alone (and she doesn’t need your help).

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By @Todd_Behrend

If you act like an idiot, people will think you are an idiot. If you act like a jerk, you will be perceived as one. If you act like a douche – voilà. And there’s no greater douche than the Mansy who thinks a woman cannot have dinner by herself. And if she happens to be good-looking, Mansy will try to work his magic on her all the way back to the Hampton Inn. As always, he doesn’t have a clue.

Last night, I observed a beautiful blonde woman having dinner by herself, minding her own business. Three overweight, middle-aged creepy guys decided that they would swoop in and impose on her evening. They were married; she was married. Conventioneers believe that women dining on their own are ill equipped to entertain themselves, to order off a menu, or to perhaps oh, I don’t know – relax?!? – and forget about the day. But no. Not according to Creepy Middle-Aged I’m Going To Save The Day Mansy.

Guys: there’s usually only one reason a woman goes out to a nice restaurant to eat dinner – she’s hungry. The same reason you go to a nice restaurant to eat dinner. She doesn’t want what you’re offering. You’re obvious. You’re creepy. And she wants nothing to do with you. You’re better off heading back to the hotel, having a forty-five second session with yourself, and hitting the sack. Your class ring is still safe.

Peyton Manning – A True Warrior With Class.

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By @DaveTheMasshole Friedrich

Measuring class is very hard to do. And when someone is as classy as expected, it’s really something. Watching Peyton Manning over the past week has proven to me that he is the classiest football player of all time (and that pains me to say as a Patriots fan and Tom Brady guy).

Peyton Manning last night played against his former team for the first time, the Indianapolis Colts. He played an extraordinary game of football. Even though they did a pre-game presentation honoring him (which I’m sure ownership did to throw off his game), how he came back to play that second half proves he’s a true warrior.

Having met Peyton Manning once before, he was a down-to-earth, classy, nice guy. I’m still a Tom Brady guy. But watching him demonstrate this last week and how he handled the media and everything else, he is nothing but true class.

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You’re 50 – It’s Time To Order For Yourself.

By @Todd_Behrend

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The process of ordering food in a restaurant should be simple enough. It’s a no-brainer. It’s easy. Here’s how it goes. You sit. You’re presented a menu. You choose. You tell the server about your choice. The kitchen makes it. The server brings it. The manager ensures it. You eat it. End of story. But not if you’re a fifty year-old Mansy that cannot order what he wants because his wife or girlfriend is insistent on intervening with Mansy’s choice on what he wants because he doesn’t have the balls or wherewithal to order for himself.


The American Mansy lives in fear. He has no self-control. He flourishes in first-world countries. He cowers at the consequences suffered in first-world countries. Such as…what? The man I witnessed wanted mashed potatoes. His wife didn’t. He decided not to order them. Because he’s afraid she will…leave him? Divorce him? Punish him? Take his X-Box away? No. Mansy is just afraid. This one in particular was easily over fifty years-old. The sad-sack sorry state of affairs that is the American Mansy in public reveals a defect of manhood in American culture. If she wanted mashed potatoes, she would have ordered them. Mansy wouldn’t say a word. And if he did, there would be hell to pay.

Guys, it’s time. It really is. It’s time to order off the menu for yourself. She isn’t going anywhere. She isn’t getting up from the table or causing a scene. And if she does, it’s time for a serious re-evaluation of your relationship. More than likely, she will give you a look, and do nothing.

So, say hello to your gut. It’s your friend. It’s mashed potato time. Order for yourself. You live in America. Job well done.

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Why Torii Hunter Needs To Stop Crying.

By @DaveTheMasshole Friedrich

#MansyMinute blog 07

At the end of the game this week between the Tigers and Red Sox, David Ortiz hit a grand slam. Torii Hunter made a spectacular dive to catch it. It would have been one of the greatest catches in professional baseball history. As he jumped over the wall to catch it, his legs shot up in the air as his body was hitting the ground. In the background, a Boston police officer raised his hands in celebration. After a photograph of that moment made the rounds for days, Torii Hunter became upset that the officer didn’t come to his aid more quickly. He says that if he could go back in time, Hunter would have run over and kicked the guy in the face for not helping him fast enough.

This is the huge problem with professional athletes that I keep talking about. These guys are supposed to be our gladiators. I don’t recall any stories about gladiators back in the day talking about how people weren’t doing enough to help them. They were gladiators. They had to do things on their own. Especially when their arms were cut off.

Torii Hunter is a big mouth. He has a lot to say about a lot of things. He gets very upset if anyone has a reprisal for him. I don’t understand why he would be so upset about this. Is his ego broken because this police officer had a moment of happiness over his team winning? It’s a moment that will be solidified in Red Sox history forever.

Not everything in life is going to be peaches and cream. It’s amazing how professional athletes react when things don’t go their way. A believed shot to his ego makes him want this cop fired? I guess not all millionaires are built the same.

Why You Should Never Settle For Second Best.

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By @DaveTheMasshole Friedrich

Life is about finishing.  You don't do things to be second best; you do them to be the best. When you settle for second best is when Mansy starts kicking in. Never think or act like you're second best. Always go in as if you're going to be the best at what you're doing.

After watching my Patriots and Red Sox both make late comebacks in games yesterday, I had faith that it would happen; that they were not going to lose. It's never over until it's over. This goes for sports and life. Anything can happen.  Keep your head up, stay true to who you are. Nobody can take that away from you. FInish. But finish strong. 

When I see people running, I'm happy to see people doing something for themselves. When I'm out running, I say to myself that no matter what, I'm going to finish. It doesn't matter if I have to walk the last mile. I'm still going to finish. 

In life, finish and finish hard. Life will never meet you halfway. And if someone tells you otherwise, they're trying to sell you something. 

Have You Said Hello To Your Gut Today?

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By @Todd_Behrend

You're no prize. You think you are, but you're not. You've seen the hot girls in Maxim magazine and you're wondering why your girlfriend doesn't look like that. There's a reason: Have you looked in the mirror?

You'd like to think that you're the professional athlete in the Gatorade commercial. They're seductive, those ads. They put you there. They make you feel that anything is possible. Or at least they sell you that. But the vodka-cranberry cocktails you drink on a nightly basis go straight to your gut. And this is not about weight loss. This is not about hitting the gym. It's about perspective.

Every American man has a Kennedy Complex (credit to @DaveTheMasshole). We live in the fantasy. We're aging like fine wine, we tell ourselves. Repetition and time has replaced wisdom. Or at least we'd like to call it that. We live vicariously through George Clooney. But drop and do ten pushups. Now ten sit-ups. pull-up. How did that go for you?

Again, I'm not talking about fitness or the gym. You going there - immediately - would probably do wonders for you. But I'm talking about accepting reality. American Mansy Blog & Podcast are all about accepting reality. We try to do our part. Are you?

Self-delusion is bliss. It's the twin sister to ignorance. Accept the reality of your life. You'll be guilty of nothing. 

Are You A Mansy Sports Fan That Takes It Too Far?

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By @DaveTheMasshole Friedrich

Matt Schaub, the quarterback for the Houston Texans, had some angry fans come to his house. They confronted him and his family about how he has been playing. This is a classic case of people taking things too far. Schaub is not considered a great football player. He does get paid a lot of money to do what he’s supposed to do. But just like the guy in the SUV last week who was beaten in front of his kids, it was ridiculous and unnecessary.

When you bring someone’s wife and kids into danger, that’s taking things too far. What’s Mansy about this is that the fans don’t think they’ve done anything wrong. They think that they were just calling him out. But calling someone out is to call a radio show, and getting into it with them on the air. Sure, he can hang up on you and all of that. And you may feel like you didn’t get your point across. But how many times a day do you really get your point across?

Showing up at people’s houses and threatening their family is taking things way too far. I understand that people are passionate about their teams. God knows, I am. But the last thing I’m ever going to do is show up at Dustin Pedroia’s house to tell him, his wife and his son how pissed off I am at him for creating an error on second base, or for striking out to lose the game. This is a classic case of people calling themselves ‘real fans’ when in reality they have nowhere to put their anger.

Guys: Be a sports fan. Don’t be a maniac

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How Not To Act On Public Transportation.

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By @Todd_Behrend

It sucks. No one likes to do it. It's a modern necessity. And if we didn't have to take the bus or train to work, we wouldn't have to deal with the annoyances of using public transportation, I wouldn't have to blog about it, and you wouldn't have to read about it. There are, however, certain things you must avoid doing on your commutes to and from work - things you hopefully refrain from already. But a refresher course never hurt anybody. A quick top five list will do. 

5. Personal grooming. No one needs to hear it. No one needs to see it. No one needs to feel your nail clippings flying across the subway car at warp speed. Public personal grooming is disgusting. Save it for before or after your journey. The fact that anyone carries a nail clipper with him and decides to use it at that particular moment suggests a particular kind of psychology I don't wish to explore any further. Save it for your studio apartment in Uptown. 

4. Using smartphones without headphones. If you're forty-four years old, smoke weed and still play video games, it is the land of free will. Enjoy yourself. But listening to your video games as you ride the train to work is not only annoying to the rest of us, but a massive Mansy red flag of your current status. Listening to cartoonish explosions or the ding of a video slot machine may drive someone unbeknownst to you over the brink. Also: just because boom boxes and transistor radios aren't around anymore doesn't mean your phone is there to replace them. Your taste in music sucks. Get some headphones or turn it off.

3. Making out. You're in love. Both of you. Congratulations. You just read The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand and you can't keep your hands off each other. The meter on your student loans keeps ticking, your dorm room awaits. Make out there. That sound you hear as you drink your commuter coffee is not a whale coming up for breath in the Antarctic Sea. No. It's two obnoxious college kids making out at eight in the morning while you're trying to get to work. Hey kiddies: save it for later. Even Hollywood A-listers get airbrushed.

2. Occupying the empty seat next to you with your bag or some other obnoxious item that truly displays your lack of regard, common courtesy and selfishness towards your fellow man. (See the previous sentence.)

1. Bringing your bike on the train. Really? REALLY? You can't ride it? You're that tired that you must take your bike on the bus or train so that everyone else around you must go around you because you're that much of a loser that you can't ride your bike to and from your house? Nothing reveals Mansy more than the bike on the train. The travesty of American youth is complete.

There you have it. Pretty simple, no? Maybe I should solve my own problems and cynicism and just walk to work.

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Why Your Wealth Has Nothing To Do With Money.

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By @DaveTheMasshole Friedrich

Money is an object, a desire. It's not going to make your life any better. It won't make you any smarter or funnier. Mansy idolizes people with money. He wants to be like them; he thinks they're better than him.  But this is a pipe dream.

Money doesn't make Mansy's life better. It will allow you the ability to have what you want, when you want it. Having less, however, makes you smarter, more focused, and you find the wealth in humor. Budgeting your life forces you to become more creative.

To think that those who have money are superior to you is shameful. Whether someone earned or inherited it does not set them above you. Pick and choose your strengths. Your wealth lies within your own skills.

Live your life in spite of others. Appreciate what you have. There are many others with far less.

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Why Michael Jordan Needs To Shut Up.

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By @DaveTheMasshole Friedrich

When you think of greatness, you think of people like Steven Spielberg.  He’s the greatest film director of the last forty years. There are other good directors, but he has made countless movies that are truly great. If you are great, you have no need to tell people that you’re great. Your reputation will always take things to the next level; you have the respect of everyone without having to worry about the talent of a newcomer. If your reputation is that of a superhero, leave it that way.

So, I’m tired of listening to Michael Jordan come back in his old age saying how he would run rampant over the current players in the N.B.A. He says that in his prime he could beat every N.B.A. basketball player today. We all know he would. He doesn’t have to worry about that. His reputation is bigger than life. But every time he makes one of these stupid comments about taking down a new young buck such as LeBron James and being better than him, he doesn’t have to say it. It’s common knowledge. But it makes him seem insecure. And superheroes aren’t insecure.

Michael Jordan has got to stop this. It makes him really Mansy. You never hear of Larry Bird or Magic Johnson constantly saying that they’re better than somebody younger than them. They had their time. They know their time is up; they know it’s gone. Jordan needs to figure this out. His greatness was the fact that he was a killer. But when he does stuff like this it makes him sound like a Mansy.

Mr. Jordan: Please stop. You’re ruining your reputation in a lot of people’s minds. Your hall-of-fame speech was bad enough. This is worse.

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How I Finally Got Over Myself (and why you should too).

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Anything Is Possible. You hear this cliché all the time. Nike has stashed many millions of dollars making you think this. Just because Adrian Peterson of the Minnesota Vikings looks great and inspiring in a commercial doesn’t make you Adrian Peterson. This is not to say that you cannot achieve the impossible – climb the mountain, take the beachhead, fight the bull. You should take yourself to limits you have never known before in order to push yourself further as both a human being and a man. These new frontiers don’t all have to be physical ones – they can (and should) be mental as well. But there is something that comes with age that requires more bravery than achieving the impossible: Acceptance.

Acceptance – and accepting reality – is different than surrender. Quite different. Acceptance is bravery. What kind of acceptance? Letting go of the past; letting go of perceived ideas about yourself; letting go when you know the ship has sailed on many things in your life. Your failure to realize and accept this is Mansy – the cornerstone of Mansy. Surrender, on the other hand, is quitting. To accept reality is to face something head on. Surrender is giving up in the face of it. You must have the balls, mental discipline and wherewithal to stare down the reality of your life. And to accept it.

In light of recent events, I’d rather not talk about myself; I’d rather talk about what I’ve discovered and learned. Some say the meaning of life is to live it. Others might say there is no meaning, that everything is arbitrary and without pattern. Still others might say that everything’s connected, that patterns in the universe are revealed as truth. And your life is defined by the choices you make with this truth. I tend to believe the last one. But ultimately, only the following is within your control: Your skill set, what you enjoy doing, and being the best at what you enjoy. If you can match your skill set within what you enjoy doing, you will become successful at it because you will work hard at being the best.

And you will never work a day in your life.

You get over yourself by being honest about your true skill set; by leveraging and accepting what that is. You do what you love, and try to be the best at it within your skill set. And you reap the benefits that come from the bravery of acceptance. I did this. I’m here to tell you it’s worth your time.

You may never be Adrian Peterson running for a touchdown. But you will always be the person staring back at you in the mirror for the rest of your life.

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Are You A ‘Remember When’ Mansy?

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Do you remember when?

These are words that Mansy lives by. A true Mansy gets caught up in a girl that he was with for a long time that he thought was ‘the one’ It doesn’t matter if he’s currently with a great girl in a great relationship. Especially if everybody around you knows that it’s a better relationship for you. Should you ever be saying, “Do you remember when I was a whole man?” At that moment, you are less of a man than you were a month or even a year ago. Mansy still thinks she was the one who made him a man.

Mansy never gives himself any credit for getting himself to place where he can call himself a good man. It’s always about whom he was with when he was told for the first time in his life that he is a man.

Women create themselves; Mansy is defined by the woman who runs his life. Mansy gets so caught up in former periods of his life that he thinks those were the best time of his life. Now, he just wants to get back there; back to a place where you were not yourself. You probably wouldn’t even know who you were at that time. But Mansy remembers when he thought he was great and full of purpose. He had goals – goals of everything that she wanted him to do. As long as Mansy thinks that he’s never going to find a new girl, when he does, he will always compare her to the Remember When girl.

All of the time that Mansy wastes thinking about the old girl is time he could be using to find or start a new relationship. Instead, he should be asking himself how he got here, that there’s no going back.

Mansy cannot keep going back to the past in his mind. Living in the past is Mansy; making the attempt to find an old girl is even Mansier. You must have the guts to get over her and stay away. If not, you will always be asking yourself, Remember when I used to get laid, when I had fun in my life? Going back to an old life in your mind is just going back to an old life of Mansy.

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It’s Not How You Finish – It’s How You Start.

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There’s a phrase often misinterpreted in American life – ‘It’s not how you start, it’s how you finish.” This seems true in sports. In baseball, for example, a team can have a hot streak before the All-Star Break. If they miss the playoffs, it didn’t matter. Finishing strong is everything. Closing strong is everything. And none of this is possible without starting properly to being with.

The importance of respecting the beginning of something is essential. Whether it’s a relationship, a job, the birth of a child, a new career, or baseball season, something other than just pure excitement needs to take precedence. Preparation and rhythm are everything. Having a system in place, ready to assimilate to change, is necessary. But most importantly, the beginning of anything that changes the trajectory of your life – whether good or bad – must be taken seriously.

Recently, many new beginnings have come my way – all unexpectedly. All of them are exciting, and brand new. To consider myself lucky would be a mistake. I don’t believe in fate – only choice. What I choose to make of these opportunities will define their worth, and the impact I hope they have in my life. I take them seriously, embrace them fully, and I’m grateful for the challenge.

Just because new beginnings happen every day, every minute, does not mean they should be taken for granted. To think there are no second chances in life is ridiculous. The start of anything new is a do-over. A reset. Although it might not be the same thing, it’s a new thing, a new opportunity to make an impact. Success at this begins with attitude. And it might now always work out. But starting the relationship, the job, the season by taking seriously its prospects for success will guarantee the evolution of your life.

In professional American sports, there is no greater metaphor for life than baseball. In the past ten years, there have been more than a few one-game playoffs for a spot in the postseason. If you play every game as if it were your last, over a one hundred and sixty-two game season, the last-gasp finish will never become reality.

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The American Mansy Of The NFL's $765,000,000 Concussion Lawsuit

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The ruling for the N.F.L. concussion case came down last week. I have many thoughts on the $765,000,000 ruling. Good for the players. They won their suit. But did they? This amount over twenty years is the drop of a hat for the N.F.L. They don't really benefit from this. And I'm not talking about money - I'm talking about Mansy.

Mansy is all I heard after they had finished one interview with a former player. He talked about how the players were united in their quest to take care of the concussion problem in the N.F.L.; how they were doing this for the kids so that the league would be safer. I applaud all of these things. But then he said something that astonished me. He said that there would be more lawsuits to come, and that the fans should be behind these players all the way to the end. He wanted the fans to help them fight for the money that they deserved after the years of entertainment that they have provided for us. I couldn't believe my ears.

Entertainment that they have provided for us? These are men that have been given a great gift in life. They've had opportunities that many of us would have killed for: a job that paid them extremely well to play a game and lift weights; that gave them the pick of the litter with gorgeous women, leaving the rest for us. They had a job that allowed them to womanize and never have to worry about the day-to-day problems that plague the average man. They were treated like royalty in the cities they played in - the marvel of every man. Now these titans of men, the biggest of the biggest, the nastiest of the nastiest, are talking about how we should feel bad for them? About the quality of product they put out and the money that they deserve? Sorry, but this sounds wicked Mansy to me.

Try telling a professional athlete about your problems and see what his reaction is like. They could not care less about us and our problems. We are just the people or peasants to them who inconvenience them with autograph requests and pictures. Now they want us to stand up and scream for them? No way. Hell no. Some of the biggest asses I've met have been professional football players; with their no-time-for-you attitudes because I don't have nice tits or some kind of endorsement deal. What they will never understand is that we don't owe them anything. They have had a life of people kissing their asses, and they still think that we're indebted to them.

There are exceptions to the rule, however. I know one old professional football player and I asked him about the lawsuit a year ago. He said, "Masshole, let's say you were a garbage man for forty years, and over that time you made $30,000 dollars a year. Now your back is gone, and your knees are blown out. What can you do about it? Could you go back and tell the town or city you worked in that you want what they have? The pension, the money and the health plans? No. They would tell you to take a hike."

My friend believes that this is all nonsense. He told me that they all signed on the dotted line, and were happy to do it. They knew that they were putting on a suit of armor and running at each other at full speed. Now they want to cry about it and they want us to help? If they want some sympathy and support they should stop acting Mansy and be the gladiators we knew them to be. Not a group of whimpering bitches who have more lawsuits to come.

Follow @DaveTheMasshole on Twitter